The last few mornings the only thing that’s forced me awake is my sheer desire to not let my son go head first off the side of the bed.
Allow me to explain.
My son starts every night in his crib, but when he wakes up in the wee hours fussy or hungry, he’ll only go back to sleep if he’s cuddling with me. This has been quite often lately due to a recent surge in teething (which I’m convinced is a product of the fall of man). But I digress.
When Sawyer’s awake, he’s awake. He’s ready to start the day and has no time to wait for a sleepy ‘ole mommy to pull it together in the morning. In order to help him escape his morning cohabitation, he’s recently learned how to climb over mommy and shimmy down the side of the bed. Thankfully, my mommy instincts have guarded us thus far (Thank you, Lord). My body has learned to jolt itself awake when it feels a tiny human trying to shimmy over the side of it.
While I’m amazed that I’m able to wake up with ninja-like reflexes to save my baby from the pending pain of the hardwood, this still worries me. Not because I think he’ll fall off the bed (although he truly may at some point), but because I’ve started to grasp the dangers that surround him. Sure I can catch him when he’s a toddler from acting out “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed,” but that won’t always be enough. What happens when he’s older and outside of my grasp and I can’t protect him?
What happens when he falls down and I’m not there to pick him up? What happens when he gets picked on at school and I’m not there to stand up for him? What happens when I can’t fix what ails him?
The first thought that comes to mind is trusting God. Psalm 46:10 says to, “Be still and know that I am God.” As in, God is God and I am not. That’s a relief when it comes to most areas of my life. It’s a relief in motherhood, too, and yet, I want more certainty for my son. I want to ensure his safety and protection. I want to know he’ll live until 103 without any heartbreak, pain, or (God forbid) cancer.
The truth is, I can’t control that. All I can do is my best to guide him while he’s young and pray that it sticks when he gets older, and also to trust God. I’ve looked into it and it turns out He is a lot bigger and wiser than I am.
So for now I’ll do my best to not let him dive head first off the side of the bed. I’ll attempt to teach him a wiser way, like intentionally waking mommy up first (and not hitting her in the face with her phone this time).